This week, in the moments of leisure I've had between mourning the removal of Skittles the cat, spraying li.docaine onto my sunburnt stomach, thinking good things about Bar.ack Oba.ma, and working on a ghostwriting project that needed to be finished last week, I've been studying for my naturali.zation test. T. Middy, that well-known girly swot, printed out the flashcards from the Citiz.enship and Immigr.ation Serv.ices web site, and tested me on all hundred questions.
Today I had my appointment with destiny, or the Immigr.ation officer, and I made sure not to arrive too early or too late - major crimes in Immi.gration Land - and to leave my camera at home, and turn off my cell phone. I only had to wait about 45 minutes, sitting between a group of Spanish speakers and a group of Vietnamese speakers, all of whom seemed to be sending in multiple applicants. Some of them returned smiling; others returned clasping forms telling them they needed to try again. These forms were the subject of much discussion in the waiting area. I think the main problem was failure to pass one of the tests - either the Civics questions, or the written/spoken English.
My interroga.tor was quite personable. I was worried I'd get the guy with the handlebar moustache, who came to the door several times to shout for/at a translator. In her office, with its view of I-10 and a billboard for Del.gado Community College, I had to stand, raise my right hand, and swear to tell the truth before I was allowed to sit down.
I'd taken every possible document in order to foil the usual scheme - i.e. wrong-footing applicants by demanding additional documentation not specified in the letter or on the web site. Once, when I was in Vancouver on business, the Immigr.ation officer threatened to send me back to New Zealand rather than re-admit me to the US. My Green C.ard had been approved but the physical card itself was not yet in my possession, and although the required "change-of-status pending" stamp in my passport was present and correct, I didn't have any other supporting documentation on me. After various discussions with other officers, during which I said lame things like "the letter is in my apartment in Brooklyn," they decided to let me back into the country.
Of course, today I was foiled again, despite my folder of possibly useful documents (passport, Gre.en Card, bank statement, marriage ce,rtificate, etc). All she wanted to see was my driver's license, passport and GC, because I was applying based on five years of continuous residence rather than three years (which requires proof of marri.age to a US citi.zen). But then she asked to look at old passports. Old passports!
It was no biggie, luckily. We went through my applic.ation, so she could double-check all the info. I confirmed that I had never been in a gang or terro.rist group. I agreed, in principle, to take up arms on behalf of the US if required. I confessed to my one sort-of crime, a speeding ticket in Maryland (July 97; I was late getting to a July 4 concert extravaganza thing in DC). They specify speeding tickets when they ask you about brushes with the law, by the way; I wasn't over-sharing by admitting to it. This led to a brief discussion about how people don't get speeding tickets here; they just get parking tickets during Mardi Gras.
Then we got to the Civics test, in which I was asked ten questions from the hundred I had to learn. I think they were:
1. Where is the White House located?
2. What is the le.gislative branch of our Government?
3. Name the two Senators from your state.
4. Who is Chief Ju.stice of the Su.preme Court?
5. What did the Em.ancipation Proc.lamation do?
6. What are some of the basic beliefs of the De.claration of Ind.ependence?
7. Who wrote The Star-Spangled Banner?
8. In what month is the new President inaugurated?
9. What are the two major political parties in the US?
10. What is the sup.reme law of the United States?
Of course I got all of these: I'd been hoping for a chance to show off - by naming the thirteen original states IN NORTH TO SOUTH ORDER, or listing the four constitutional Amendments that relate to voting rights. These are both actual questions, though the geographic order of the states was not required. All the numbers I'd remembered (435, 1776, 1787, 100, 27, 2, 4, 6, 10) were not required. I was not asked to account for the number of stars on the flag, or deal with one of the semi-trick questions, like who elects the President. To my disappointment, I was not asked to name "some countr.ies that were our enemies" in WWII, or to recite the bene.fits of being a citizen. (One possible answer: "to obt.ain Fede.ral government jobs.")
Then came the tricky part: the English test. I had to read question six aloud, and then write a sentence at the bottom of the page. It was something like "I would like to become an Ameri.can citiz.en." I can't remember it exactly because I was too busy obsessing over my messy handwriting, and the way the M in "American" looked like no known letter.
But I passed the test anyway, and got the good news that the final hurdle - the oath cer.emony - takes place tomorrow at 1:30 PM. So by 3 PM tomorrow afternoon I will be a US citi.zen.
The semi-bad news is that not only will I hand over my GC tomorrow (it's expired, anyway); my free-to-travel stamp will be canceled in my New Zealand passport. I'm flying to the UK next Wednesday, so I only have a few days to get a US pas.sport. Once you're a citi.zen, you cannot leave or return to the US without using your US passp.ort. I've made an appointment at the regional passp.ort office downtown for Friday morning, and hope it can all be turned around by Wednesday. The immi.gration offic.er seemed to think it could be done in three business days.
Of course, I will still use my New Zealand passport for all other travel. I'll have dual nationality (NOT prohibited by US law, whatever people may tell you, as long as you don't go around seeking additional nationalities after becoming a US citizen). This means I'll have allegiance to both the Queen and the Flag, and that's fine with me. An excess of symbolism, perhaps, but I don't mind excesses, apart from excesses of cigarette butts left on the beaches of Florida (see below).
We're going out to dinner tomorrow night to celebrate, assuming I don't mess up my oath. Of course I'm dreading the ceremony: I don't like group activities. This is, no doubt, un-American of me.
Did they hand you a Krispy Kreme and a .38 pistol after you passed?
Congratulations on passing. Now you truly breathe the sweet air of freedom.
Posted by: Brando | June 04, 2008 at 07:49 PM
There were no freedom-related questions, luckily for me.
Also, when looking through my supplementary documents, I discovered that New Zealand was spelled incorrectly numerous times on our marriage certificate. Does this mean I'm FREE?
Posted by: pjkm | June 04, 2008 at 08:00 PM
Congratulations! I don't like group activities either. Does that mean I have to emigrate now?
Posted by: TLB | June 04, 2008 at 10:16 PM
Congratulations. I am just glad you didn't launch into a tirade against smoking Floridians, because as we all know, they determine the Pres.idential election in this country.
Did the officia.ls know about your questionable activities in H.eslington?
Welcome aboard!
Posted by: Patrick Cartwright | June 05, 2008 at 04:53 PM
Patrick! E-mail me so we can talk.
Posted by: pjkm | June 06, 2008 at 04:11 AM